MEGA: Make Europe Great Again, For Real This Time

Dear Ursula von der Leyen and the Commission carefully navigating Europe’s path to mediocrity,

Let’s have a chat. An open letter, if you will, because what Europe desperately needs right now is not another summit with endless coffee breaks ☕, but some brutally honest feedback. Consider this a performance review — the kind you wish you’d had before meeting Erdogan and discovering what it feels like to be furniture 🪑. (Seriously, Ursula, not even a folding chair? That was peak geopolitical manspreading.)

Now, onto the serious stuff: Europe. Or what’s left of it. You see, we’re struggling out here. Not because we’re lazy — our work ethic is fine 💪 — but because the union you’re helming feels about as cohesive as a badly written IKEA manual 📚. If we’re going to have a shot at international relevance, we need to fix some glaring problems. Here are three radical-but-not-really ideas to make Europe functional, competitive, and dare I say… interesting again:

1. A Common Tax System
   The current setup is a disaster. Each country has its own labyrinthine tax laws, which means multinational companies are playing hopscotch across borders to avoid paying their fair share. It’s like a game of Monopoly, but instead of buying properties, they’re hoarding loopholes. Meanwhile, small businesses — the backbone of any economy — are crushed under the weight of compliance costs. A unified tax system would level the playing field and bring in the kind of revenue 💸 we need to actually fund meaningful initiatives. (Hint: Maybe less bureaucracy and more innovation grants? Just sayin’)
   

2. A Common Healthcare System
   COVID should have been our wake-up call. Instead, it became a showcase of every country for itself. Some of us were fighting over masks 😷 like it was Black Friday; others hoarded vaccines like toilet paper 🧻. A unified healthcare system wouldn’t just save lives — it would also save Europe’s reputation 🌍. Ursula, imagine this: centralized R&D for vaccines, shared procurement to cut costs, and equal access to healthcare for all citizens. Boom! 💥 Com'on Ursula, you know this is true. What stops you from doing something relevant for your people? Don’t you feel ashamed staying silent on such a matter?

Right now, we’re a patchwork quilt of disparity. In one country, you get state-of-the-art treatment 💎; in another, you’re Googling symptoms because the nearest hospital is a three-hour drive.

Fix. It.

3. A Common Defense System
   Let’s face it: Europe’s defense strategy is a joke 🎭. NATO is basically the U.S. asking us to “contribute more,” while we pretend not to hear because our defense budgets are tied up funding parades. And don’t even get me started on the EU’s so-called “strategic autonomy” 🛡️. You want to be taken seriously on the global stage 🌍? Build a unified European military ⚔️. I can even provide you with some cool names (and much more than that, if needed). How about calling it something bold, like the European Strategic Command (ESC), the Alliance for Continental Defense and Cooperation (ACDC - this is my fave ⚡🇪🇺), or the Unified European Forces Initiative (UEFI)? Names that inspire confidence and actually sound like they belong in a world superpower 🌍💪. The type of continent I want to be part of. And you too. Repeat after me, Ursula: Pool resources, share intelligence, and act like a bloc that knows how to defend itself 🛡️. It is that simple.
   Right now, we’re the geopolitical equivalent of a group project where half the team doesn’t show up. Don’t you find it pathetic? To govern the geopolitical equivalent of nothing?

Passionless Politics

Here’s the real problem, Ursula: people my age (and younger) aren’t passionate about Europe 😒. Hell, even I’m losing faith 💔, and I’ve stuck around long enough to know better. Why? Because Europe feels like a spreadsheet, not a vision. It’s all regulations and no inspiration. Where’s the ambition? Where’s the leadership that makes us want to shout, “Yes, I’m European!” instead of mumbling it at border control?

You are losing me, Ursula. And you are losing thousands upon thousands of people far smarter than me, who are seeking passion and inspiration elsewhere 🌍. Have you noticed where they’re looking? The Middle East, China, the USA. That’s where we’re heading. I’ve seen this before — it happened to Italy years ago. Do you want to know what became of Italy? In case you’ve missed it: more hairdressers than innovators. From inventors, scientists, and explorers, to call centers and food riders. And who caused this decline? Leaders who thought like you do now — only you’re doing it on a much grander scale. Is this really what you have planned for Europe?

You’ve got a chance to change that. But it starts with making Europe relevant again 🌍. Give us something to believe in. Fix the basics — tax, healthcare, defense — and then build on that.

Make Europe Great Again. MEGA. Unlike MAGA, this acronym actually means something, and it doesn’t involve red hats or misplaced nostalgia. It’s about progress, not regression.

So, Ursula and the Commission, the ball’s in your court.

Inspire us. Unite us.

Give us a Europe we’re proud to fight for, not just a bureaucratic entity we tolerate.
Because right now? The Nerdiverse is watching, and we’re very unimpressed.

Sincerely,
Frag